Author: ruthsilveira

Isolation Diary: The mundane resurfaces after being ignored because of high stress level and dire imaginings. Back room has been painted. Another crop of peas planted. A plumbing problem taken care of (faulty sprinkler valves that caused loud vibration through the house), thermostat replaced by one that works and only has 3 buttons, two unneeded lamps sold to a happy buyer. AND…..holiday cookie list made and ingredient list begun. Even, appointment made for a phone conference about replacing my disappearing SAG health insurance. I think since all these repair people have been in the house, I will get another covid test. It’s time to hunker down again. I cherish my safe pod.

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Jeff W.
I’m not sure why, but I find your posts very comforting, Ruth. Thanks for that.

Holly B.
I usually get one one of these a month done.

What if……the sky was infected with enemy drones. Small things, but bigger than a moth. Spread out over the country. They shot people with poison pellets. They were drawn to large crowds and small gatherings. They are small so keeping them out of enclosed spaces is nearly impossible. Let’s say 10 million people got shot. Right in front of other people. Sometimes the pellet bounced off a hat and did no damage, sometimes it made a scratch and a festering sore, sometimes it sent someone to the hospital, sometimes it killed the target, right then, right there. Would people then accept the urgent suggestion that it is helpful to wear a large brimmed hard hat? Or would they object to being ‘forced by the government’ to ‘save’ themselves? Another intrusion into their lives by Government.

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Jeff W.
It’s a GREAT analogy.Unfortunately, it brought this extremely unsettling video to mind —one I had managed to forget, but your scenario was so similar… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=stHLrBs-_iE YOUTUBE.COM – Future weapon used by intelligence (Mini Drone)
(This video was so scary, I didn’t edit it out.)

Ruth Silveira
Jeffer! Sorry to remind you of that. It is horrifying. So similar to my little “what if” musing. But, yeah, with that threat people would wear hats and masks, I bet.

Isolation Diary: I got a covid test today. Just because. Repair people in and out of the house. Contact with family who are in contact with others. I mean…..the children! They need to be with other children. So safe pods expand, begin to overlap like Venn diagrams. We balance our physical health with our mental health. My mental health? My sense of humor is still intact, my sense of purpose and value is in question. But there are glimmers of a possible positive project forming. I am a little surprised at my continuing efforts to make this idea a thing, a reality. And I am encouraged. The isolation, however wonderful my family is, and they are a profound blessing, has blurred the outlines of identity a bit. Maybe blurred is not the right term. Maybe created alternate outlines. A bunch of them. Not right. Can’t say what I mean. At times in my life I have felt adrift. As though I could float away into outer space. I am grateful for my anchors. The isolation has loosened some of my anchors.

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Guy P.
I love your posts Ruth.

Nancy W.
Ruth, you express so well my own feelings. And my family is too far away go me to ever see them. Anchors loosened, adrift and afraid. And winter coming on.

Ruth Silveira
Nancy, I am so sorry you are far from your family. Traveling is hard right now. We must keep what contact we can, with friends, with family. Sometimes with, hey, anybody.

Nancy W.
YES! So good to hear from you and read your posts. xoxo

Isolation Diary: There was a bunny rabbit in my yard! A little brown one. I saw it 2 weeks ago and then again today. It skedaddled (Is that one of the words that Pat Towne posted as artifacts from yesteryear?) under my backyard deck. I left a carrot out for it but that remains in place uneaten. I would love to meet this little creature. In other news: weeding in the garden in the a.m., fun D and D session in the afternoon, another batch of Christmas cookie dough into the freezer in the p.m. Plus I did my exercise and my tai chi. So, it’s okay that I end this and play a computer game.

I haven’t seen the bunny in several months now.

I’ve been thinking about the idea of the Holon, a concept introduced to me by Joe Jordan. A whole that is part of a larger whole. Something that is simultaneously a whole and a part. Incredibly this word is not in my Websters dictionary or my American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language. No wonder we are in such division and chaos! We are all a whole individually, also a part of numerous larger other wholes. And those larger wholes are part of larger wholes. So, in my opinion, the person who wrote to the LA Times that he voted for Trump because the stock market was lining his pocket, this person is working from his small Whole. His small circle. Without consideration of the larger Whole. And, also in my opinion, those who created AB5 are focused on the large whole; as are those, again in my biased opinion, who support changing zoning across California, or the US, to allow multi-family dwelling or lot sub-divisions just about anywhere, without consideration of the smaller Whole. These ideas are born of graphs and numbers (AB5 and zoning) and need to meet with lives of the smaller Wholes to become actually workable and beneficial ideas. To extend a bit further…….those who won’t wear a mask because it is an assault on their ‘liberty’ are living in their small Whole. (or hole). And then to jump to another idea–Those who so guard their ‘liberty’ support a person who is basically an autocrat and who can’t help but undermine democratic practices. Okay, further thought….a Libertarian might not care about the democratic process. But….has a Libertarian ever come face to face with tyranny?

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Ruth Silveira
And when a Libertarian does come face to face with tyranny, do they become anarchists? I listened to “American Kingpin”, a book about the person who created the website “The Silk Road”. He was a dedicated Libertarian. His original intent was to sell drugs on-line, through a highly secure website, because he believed people should have control over what they put into their bodies and because buying on-line and having one’s drugs delivered by the post office was much safer than buying on a street corner. He called himself the Dread Pirate Roberts. The website was a huge success and expanded quickly to sell more than mushrooms and marijuana. Vendors from all over sold a large variety of drugs. Just about anything was available. Of course, there was nothing like quality control. Then weapons were added. Then problems arose and The Dread Pirate Roberts put out hits on people. Yes, he had people killed. He was eventually caught. (If I have any of this wrong, please let me know.)

Isolation Diary: So I am home a lot. I hardly go anywhere. How do things still go missing?! For example: my spare car fob. Look, I remembered I left something in the trunk of my car so I took the spare key off it’s hook and put in my pocket…I’m sure I did this….and went out to open the trunk. Okay, days later I reach for the key on its hook, it’s not there. I have checked every pocket I have, jackets, jeans, sweaters, aprons….no key. I have searched the floor below the hook, the kitchen island, the counter, the here and there, no key. No reason I would take the spare key off the premises. I am alone here, there is no one to accuse of mislaying this thing. I have no pet who might have buried it in the garden. Mysteries invade even a cloistered life.

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Jeff W.
Absolute madness.
I find that I can now perform magic tricks and totally fool my own self — I’m able to make a thing disappear, even in a confined area. “I just had it, and I haven’t even left this part of the room. It HAS TO be right here somewhere!” But somehow it isn’t.
I hope you’ll post an update when the car fob turns up. It’s gotta be there somewhere…

Paul B.
The rumored Ascended Masters of Tibet occassionally dematerialize objects for removal to their homeland in order to lay blessings on them before rematerializing them back to you.

Ruth Silveira
Paul B. How….uhm, nice of them?

Mandi M.H.
YES I FEEL THIS

Nancy W.
Ruth, could it be in the trunk???

Ruth Silveira
Nancy W. It’s an electric ignition and when I push the button I am told that no key is detected, so it’s not in the car.

Sandy R.
Welcome to the club!

Leslie D.
I feel soooo relieved reading all of this. I put a small plate of turkey in the cupboard one night recently, instead of in the refrigerator where it belonged. Found it next morning. One if a large number of mind boggling experiences around here. Includes doing things, then a few moments later not knowing whether or not I did them.

Nancy W.
How about “Where’s my phone? Where’s my phone?” And then “Oh, I’m talking on it.” I’m happy to be in any club Sandy and Ruth are in!

Isolation Diary: When I come back for my next life I would like to be able to sing. To sing really well.

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Holly B.
Me too!!

Jay B.
Raise

Paul B.
I wasted my voice this lifetime. I used to have one, now I can’t even OM

Ruth Silveira
I do not have, and have never had, a good vocal instrument. Also my ear is questionable. Maybe it’s my mind that is questionable.

Claudette W.
Dear Ruth, in addition to teaching and performing piano my degree is also in teaching singing. After Covid, when I am next in LA, I’d like to come over and, if you’d like, work with you on your vocal instrument. It can be strengthened, you can be taught to sing. I will, with love, guidance and exercises prove to you that you can.

Ruth Silveira
Claudette W. Thank you but it’s hopeless. My vocal chords are compromised. But how lovely to think of seeing you again in LA!

Susan J.
The shower never tells. Sing in the shower- loud and proud!

Isolation Diary: To go to sleep my practice has been for a long time to set a timer and either play music or an audio book for half an hour. If I wake up in the night, I will often reset the timer and play the audio book again. I usually choose books I have listened to before so there are no surprises and whose narrators are comfortable to my ear. However, last night the book I was listening to, “Reincarnation Blues” narrated by Mark Bramhall, arrived at a brutal section and reminded me of the brutality of the current administration. I know, they, are not physically beating you and me but I feel battered nonetheless. In this section of the book, everyone is out for themselves, and caring for another is a risk. I tried to advance the story but I was only half awake and didn’t succeed. So I woke up this morning with a cloud on my soul. Extremely unpleasant. I tried to remedy this mood by working in my garden but out there I found a problem with an access grate to under the house. In a very awkward place. Left unattached by a cable guy several months ago. It took awhile but I did manage to at least temporarily secure the screen. Tools needed: a set of star screwdrivers (which I have) and a hammer. None of this was any fun at all. My mood still dark. Lunch. Read a book, which also wasn’t at an uplifting part of the story. Stop! What’s a good thing? Began considering Christmas gifts. Found something for Duncan. Ordered it. Yay! Then, after a text exchange with Maggie, I dropped everything else on my daily list and drove out to Pasadena to spend a little time with some of my family whom I hadn’t seen in a week. Spirits lifted. And feeling okay now. Phew.

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Susan J.
You have a beautiful option there; an antidote for the blues and the blahs. Glad you got to exercise it.

Holly B.
I like so much how you actively turn your mood around.

Anna M.
Onward!!

Carl G.
You’re an inspiration. Thanks so much for “Diary,” I look forward to every new entry. Be well and happy in these awful times.

Sandy R.
Way to go!

Isolation Diary: Here I am, alone in my house. Which Richard and I bought in 1978. Yeow! That is so long ago. I have been preparing for a Thanksgiving gathering today and I have been missing Richard even after all this time. He left us in 1999. Don’t think I am being coy by saying ‘he left us’. There was something uncanny about Richard. Anyway, today I have been alternately lonely and joyful. If you know my family, you will know why. They engender joy in me. Joy is different than happiness. To me. Happiness is an earthly experience. Joy is a melding of the individual and the sublime. And I can’t explain it any better in this short post.

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Heatherlynn N.G.

Adam Bitterman
Wishing you and yours all the best this holiday season and beyond!

Janet R.
Happy Thanksgiving Ruth – remembering many joyful times with you – especially this time of year xx

Ruth Silveira
Janet R. I was thinking of you today as I made pie. I hope you attempted one! I tried a new crust and am not confident in the result. I used my old standby for the apple pie and that one is looking okay. Have a warm and wonderful Thanksgiving!

Claudette W.
I get it. I still miss Richard, too.

Mary Hayes Tuttle
Your house and garden will always be one of my favorite places

Joe Jordan
Hugs ‘cause I miss you.

Ruth Silveira
Joe Jordan Yeah, I miss you too.

Joe H.
Well, then make the post longer! I wanna hear what you have to say!
Sending you a big hug!

Joyce H.
Happy Thanksgiving Ruth!

Ruth Silveira
Joyce H. Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!

Ina Burke
I always love how you are able to express something perfectly. I totally feel this post! Happy thanksgiving. And your house and your garden always fills me with warm memories. Sending you love from NY!

Jeff W.
I miss Richard too, and think of him often.

Paul B.
I wish I had known Richard better, but loved him nevertheless

Betsy B.
Sending a hug to you. To know Richard was to just love him!, and I’m pretty sure we all still miss him as well… I think of all the wonderful gatherings in your home, especially when Maggie and Jesse were little and how glued to Maggie I was when she was a toddler.

Jeff W.
Betsy B. “Betsy Bird”

Ruth Silveira
Betsy B. Yes! That’s right. If you and Maggie encountered each other today you would still love each other.

Terry W.
Never a day goes by, that I don’t think of Richard. What a guy.

Sandy R.
Happy Thanksgiving! Sending love!

Ruth Silveira
Sandy R. Happy Thanksgiving, Sandy! Love back to you. 

Peter E.
Lots and lots of joy to you.

Henrietta C.
Very well explained!

John S.
You are the best.

Anna M.
Miss Richard too!!

Nicholas S.
Wonderful human that Richard.

Christie M.
Richard was, as my great-grandmother used to say, “a tonic.” I wish you a warm Thanksgiving full of love! XOX

Ruth Silveira
Christie M. He was. Haven’t heard that before. States the effect very well.

Nicholas G.
Sending love on this Thanksgiving Ruth. There were many great times with Richard!

Rick C.
I think of Richard often as well…..
he was such a special person and a wonderfully talented ActorI was lucky to work with him!!
……well we all were weren’t we?

Ruth Silveira
Rick C. I always felt safe when working with Richard. Which means I could take risks. Once we got to know each other. During rehearsal of The Seagull, I barely knew him, and I was very focused on trying to understand and develop Nina, and one day he said to me, ‘You can look at me, you know.” So I did.

Susan J.
Well, I sure wish I knew Richard. Enjoy your sweet memories.

Ruth Silveira
Susan J. You and Jeff would have loved him and had a great time playing music together.

Susan J.
Ruth Silveira I just love the thought of that.

Jay B.
Love this. Sending you a virtual hug.

Lee K.
Ruth, I think of Richard often, and the long philosophical talks we had. His talent was extraordinary, and his devotion to you, Jessie, and Maggie was unlimited. We miss him.

Mandi M.H.
I love you so very much.

Laura O.
A truly irreplaceable loss
and I love your distinction between joy and happiness

Benny W.
Great memories in that house and with Richard.

Cydney D.
I understand. You worded it beautifully. I had a lovely Thanksgiving with me, God and my cat Mickey. I put photos of my loved ones who left on the table and allowed the joy to swell up past the tears.

Henry H.
i’d show up at all these topics.

Hope W.
You just made me smile.

Thanksgiving. I am employing and enjoying so many things right now. For example, this computer. Thanks for this. And I like the mouse I am using so thanks for that also, thanks to all you people who designed it and built it. And also I am drinking some wine, so thanks for that. I like the glass I am drinking from, so thanks for that. Oh, and I am sitting on a comfortable chair, sort of an elaborate one with adjustments and such, so thank you for that. Also, my house is at a comfortable temperature and a whole lot of people are responsible for that. Hey, thank you! Then, now that I look, my computer is resting on a table that belonged to my parents and, I think, their parents. So, thanks to my back listed family! My computer table is covered with notes to self all on various pieces of paper. Where did this paper come from? Thank you to all the trees or bamboo and people who created this paper. It is appreciated. I am surrounded by the efforts and products and ideas of other people. I send out an expanding ripple of gratitude.